Too Many Fish in the Bowl

Mid-summer and like many of you...I am lost in piles of extra laundry...kids scurring beneath my feet.   Longer days...shorter nights and the constant noise level on high.    What I crave now is the sound of pure silence.   I want to hear my own heartbeat and my own breathing.   

I am a stay at home mother.   And I love my job.   Not always but usually.   Does this make sense?   I know that I could be a working mother.   I could leave for a job in the morning and return home in the evenings to my family.  And there is a huge part of myself that believes I would love that.   But then I picture my little ones.   And the idea of leaving them to another person to raise...tosses me rapidly back into reality.  I will stay home and be a mother to my babies.  For my family, that is the best choice.

I can not be alone in this idea.   There must be other mother's at home right now, feeling much the same.   

I am fairly certain that summers with the children are supposed to be intense and somehow confined.   Much like cramming 20 goldfish into a rather small glass bowl and saying to them..."Swim, just as you normally do!"   With that said,  I am not shocked that I am craving the silence.   But you see, Mr. G has also been home due to being injured on duty...for nearly 2 months now.   (I hear the collective sighs of deeper understanding ...you get it...thank you sistas.).

I truly wish I could understand why it is that with Mr. G home, I can not seem to accomplish as much.   You would think that it wouldn't change my life all that drastically.    But it does.   It has.   And the laundry piles are bigger.   The grocery shopping is needed faster.   The every day duties are never ending.   And the feeling of accomplishment seems strangely just out of my grasp.   Every day.

So I here I am Juicy friends.   Wishing for the silence.   Hoping for relief from the summer heatwave.   And wondering out loud....if there is any sense to be made of this summer life of mine.  Would you...could you...enlighten me?

Comments

[seven]

I don't have any bits of advice for you... I have the same problem and I don't even have any kids or a husband. So I'll just sympathize with you. :)

[Mark Salinas]

School will be here soon enough...well depends on the age. When it comes peace will be around. What to do when that time comes? Enjoy the little ones why they are young :)

[Lalena]

Oh juicy diva…I send strength to you over these wires. Mid summer seems to never end.

I too have been a stay at home mom…loving my job and yet wondering… Now I stand at a crossroads where the life I’ve known is evolving. My little ones are beginning to run their own race. One is headed for college, one moving out and my baby is 16. At times, the silence in my home is deafening. Gone are the days of broken water balloons in the bedroom, play dough in the carpet and finger-paint on the wall. I honestly thought those days would never end.

I’m sure you’ve heard before to embrace every passing moment and it’s true…they pass too quickly. But your desire for quiet is real and the quiet is necessary. In the midst of mommy there is a woman who must not grow distant and lost. When we constantly pour out for others we need times of refreshing. Take and hour and read (splurge on a cheesy tabloid magazine or something about nothing) Ask your sweetie to take the kids to the park for just a bit and soak in a bubble bath, take a walk with your girlfriends…we really need each other!

I think the key is in the balance. You’ll catch up on the laundry in September (or not) and come December you’ll be ready for the chaos again.

In my quest to embrace today, I’m learning to love where I am and not long for what isn’t or wont be. Hang in there…you can do it! You can!

Ps---nothing ever gets done when my sweetie is around…that battle was lost years ago…just give in and surrender to it!

[Tina]

Girlfriend, how well I know the feeling. Wow-Lalena has got it nailed!! I love hearing that. My advice would be for now-just go with it. I do realize as a woman, we need our identity-our time-we need us!! That is difficult when we're spread so thin. Guess what? The laundry never ends-I always try to believe it will.

The noise level-squishy ear plugs(kidding)-July is almost over and the upswing towards school will begin. We may never in our own minds get all the things done, but you are doing the BEST things-loving and taking tender care of your family. Sometimes(most of the time)it never feels glamorous. Like dressing up for work and stopping on the way(by yourself)for a Starbucks latte'-instead we make our own and are in sweats:but, our loved ones know(even if they choose not to always say it)they feel all the love and work we put into them and what they need and want.

They feel the security in knowing Mama's here. We all need our time-ehemmm... you have friends to help you with quiet time!!! Ask and ye shall receive. I love how you write from the heart and make it a truly inspiring story!!

[Diana]

So that's where you've been? lol I can relate, i can relate, i can relate!!! lol I won't even tell you about my laundry issues. ha ha All I can say is enjoy it while you can. It's only for a season (no pun intended). No great wisdom or insight but I'll send you some HUGS. :)

[Kendra]

Oh! I feel your pain, girlie! I don't have a solution but I do empathize. I am drowning in laundry and can't seem to finish anything. I'll send you some hugs and offer up a prayer for you too. Be blessed!

[ourcrookedtree]

I was just talking to a friend about this today at our playdate. I have only been a sahm for about six months and the noise level is increasing and my productivity is decreasing. I feel under appreciated and underpaid ☺ but know I will reap the benefits later (and so will they). Nothing ever gets done when hubs is here and the laundry is never ending. It is the elusive battle for balance that every mother faces. Good luck!

[Joelle]

Friend, I SO ADMIRE you for doing what you do! I could never do all that you do! Taking care of all of your entire family and giving to them all of yourself. Wow. You are incredible. And then in your spare moments you give to your friends. I can barely take care of myself! You are amazing.