Taking notes every time I show enthusiasm in something, Stephen has made sure that I have most of her succulently rich writings to date.
Well, in the past half of a year I added Ruth to my list of things I'd like to do before I die. No, no, not "DO" her. (Heavens no!) I mean, I'd like to meet the amazing woman in person.
*Start of fantasy*
Somehow I figured, I'd have to tell her how amazing she is...and I'd dream about us linking our arms together and strolling down a sidewalk in NYC, sharing stories and hearing her say, "Jennifer, you just have to join me for lunch at this fantastic little restaurant around the corner. The pasta there is so lushious it simply melts in your mouth on contact." And of course, I'd reply, "Well yes of course!" And off we would go.
*End of fantasy life*
Hence the reason she ended up on "The List".
A couple of weeks ago now, Stephen informed me that I would need to dress to impress for the evening. He told me that I had a place to go. I had a ticket. I would be going alone, and he would take Matthew. I asked what it was ...this strange surprise...I asked where, how, and every other question possible and finally spilled out the words, "Where would you be sending me to go alone?? At night nonetheless?" And with that, he finally lifted a slim piece of paper out of his pocket and handed me a ticket to see Ruth Reichel in person that evening at a book signing. This is where Stephen made a motion in the air, as if he was making a big check-mark. He was checking one glorious item off my "LIST".
You'd think I would have jumped into his arms immediately, shouting for joy. But alas my dears, I shrunk back in horror. Yep. In horror. "Me?? Alone?? Going to meet her?? But what will I wear? And where will she be?? And what will I say?" I was appalling really. Frankly, I was stunned, shocked and about to hyper-ventilate, for reasons completely unclear to me.
But I took deep breaths. Over and over again throughout the day. And little by little, I gained my courage. With my sweet husbands deep confidence in me, he kissed me firmly on my lips and said, "Go meet Ruth, love." And then I was alone.
Nervously, I walked down the street into the building hosting the event. My hands clutched my handbag tightly to my side and I must have adjusted my blouse a half dozen times before I finally made a bee-line for the restroom. There simply isn't anything worse than thinking you have to pee in the middle of meeting your current favorite author.
As I walked through the entrance to the bathroom, I let the door swing freely behind me and aimed my body for a stall in front of me. But, hold up...
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw standing no more than two feet from me a woman with very long unruly black hair..heavy bangs nearly covering every corner of her eyes...tendrils flying about...and she in a vain attempt to grab enough of it and bind it into a clip most would consider oversized at best. I suddenly felt bold, ironically. And I leaned into and with a tone I didn't even recognize, said, "Are you Ruth?"
She spun around and with a soft smile replied, "Yes, I am." With great abundance, I began tossing out every thought that occurred to me at that moment. I told her what I loved, how much I appreciated her work, how my husband sent me to meet her by surprise and how much I admired her. I exclaimed that we had much in common, as we both lived for years in the same areas in California and that we both lived in New York now....and that's probably pretty close to when I started to realize that I was quite near to being a freak-o-fan.
In an instant, we were interrupted by another woman who wanted to shake Ruth's hand...and I, not knowing whether I was relieved or wanting to pull the rude intruders hair, simply slipped into the background and quietly into a stall.
Composed and feeling confident I waltzed into the presentation room. Nearly 200 of us watched a movie that had nothing to do with Ruth Reichel. But I sat quietly, waiting for Ms. Reichel. I clapped enthusiastically, when they introduced her for a Q&A time, which lasted no time at all really. And together with the throng, I climbed the stairs to the wine and gourmet delights reception that followed.
This was the all out challenge for me. You see, a ton of people waited in the line for Ms. Riechel to sign their books. I chose to wait it out and indulged in the delicacies layed out on long silver platters and large silver bowls. Of course, I didn't refuse the glass of wine being offered to me either. But let me remind you that, "I WAS ALONE!" I've never hob-nobbed alone. How to start? Where to begin?
I scanned the room...found another woman who appeared all alone, I stood near her and began confident conversation. We chatted and laughed. And when another woman joined us, I felt as if I'd graduated to a whole new ME. I was charming! I was full of beautiful questions for them. And they were full of inquiries for me. I wasn't a geek. I was mingling. When the two ladies departed, one actually returned to my side for a moment, "You know Jennifer, you're really impressive." she said, "You must make your husband very happy. You just seem to really have your act together." I simply smiled and told her with deep appreciation, "Thank you so much for saying such a kind thing". She never knew my fear, my anxiety, and the huge leap internally that it took for me to even be there!
It was then that I turned around to see if Ruth's many other fans had yet dwindled. They had. So, I walked up to her once more. My fantasy could still come true!
"Ruth, I just wanted to say thank you again." I said leaning way down to her level at the table. And then it happened. She scooted over and slapped the seat next to her...she was inviting me to sit...sit next to her. I could feel my self puff up! I was actually sitting with my favorite author by HER request.
Sooo, I started chatting again. I asked her a few questions and told her that reading her writings on food changed the way ate. She looked at me, then looked up at the man standing in front of her, willing himself into our conversation. He rapidly shoved a large pile of books in front of her and said, "Oh Ruth, we need you to sign these too for the charity auction." And with that she began whisking her pen in and out of book covers, jaggedly scribbling a line in each one. I thought she was lost in the signing until she simply asked, "Has it changed the way you cook?" And I was momentarily stumped as I was thinking, well...I've only just began cooking again in recent months with a new kitchen. Can I actually say I've changed because of her writing? So I replied, "Well, no...but it has changed the way I feel about food."
There was silence...
And then, a smaller, eager woman on the other side of the table shoved another handful of books in front of Ruth again and asked her to sign them for some club. I sat there, on the precious seat next to Ruth... and I realized it was over. My moment with Ruth was done. She was busy. I was just someone else in the crowd. My road toward my fantasy was finished. There would be no arm in arm walk, no lunch in NYC...
As the director of the event came to her side, Ruth stood up, which lead me to do the same with great relief. At least now I could escape. The director pointedly looked at me, and I nearly thought I read the expression on her face to say..."Oh you poor dear, please get up and get some dignity...Ruth is far too busy for the likes of you!" But in truth all I heard her say, as she looked at me, was "Ruth, we really must be going now."
I scooted away from my seat and lingered only long enough to say once more, "Again Ruth, thank you." And then slowly, I slunk down the steps, out the front door, down the street and into my car.
As I got in, I realized I wanted to cry. But why? I couldn't bring my brain into focus enough to get in touch with that odd emotion. So, I did what I always do when I can't figure out my feelings. I called my best friend, Joelle.
I told her the whole story. I shared all the details, big and small. I told her how I felt like a fool. I told her how much disappointment I felt in my meeting Ms. Riechel. And Joelle responded beautifully.
"Jenn, I completely understand! And I think it took guts for you to go alone. I love that you went. I would have never gone! Because I would assume that the author would pay absolutely no attention to me. But YOU, you went with your fantasy. Its so beautiful friend, the way you see it. I'd rather be like you and assume the best without cynicism."
Is it any wonder I love this girl sooo much? In a moment she just swept away my geeky-freak-o-fan existance. She called my fantasy beautiful. Unrealistic, yes. But nevertheless, beautiful. Thank you Jello!
Im pretty sure that this one moment in my life will make a deep impression for a long time. I learned much. I was challenged to be ME in a crowd of people I knew nothing about. And I was able to realize that in talking to Ms. Riechel, I was giving back to her...all that she has already given me in her books.
I learned that its not about doing lunch together or swaying down the street exchanging stories...like in my fantasy. Its about being willing to go, and give to her entirely. To give her the appreciation I feel for the tremendous words she decidedly shared with me the reader. I can not ask more. She's already given me her best.
As for my husband, he's no doubt onto the next check on my "LIST". He understood my fear, God bless him. He didn't begrudge my lack of zeal over his knightly presentation of tracking down my author and buying me a ticket, only to fine a scared child in front of him. I thank him for pushing me softly into a new experience I WAS no where near comfortable in...because ultimately, I survived, thrived and learned much, all by myself.
P.S. Btw,I still highly recommend Ruth Riechel's work!
(feeling free to continue my LIST and grateful for the items I've already completed before I die)
I live in out in the country a bit. Meaning, for any REAL shopping I have to drive about 25 minutes to shop big. Being a stay at home mom means that I get to Starbuck's approximately once every 3 weeks. And it is with pure pleasure that I order my drink, EXACTLY the way I want it and trot out with my Juicy purchase. I don't know about you but the JOY of Starbuck's is getting the order done the way I want it done...down to the little last drop of goodness. Here's what I mean:
